How about when you have kids? There are many important aspects to this topic that would be beneficial to take the time to discuss and work through. You will potentially sleep with only one person for the rest of your life. Your Life Long Goals A. This will help you achieve mutual intimacy on a regular basis. We talked about all of these except the wedding budget.
Just straight-up, face-to-face, brutally honest communication. Do you really want to live in want, uncertainty, or turmoil. Forgiveness How will you forgive each other after an argument? She studied Child Development at Tufts University and worked in case management and clinical research before earning her master's and doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Rutgers University. Also figure out what topics are hot buttons that should be avoided in order to fight fair. Chances are you are both afraid of the same thing…rejection. What are your comfort levels on public displays of affection? A good budget will clearly state how much money is left over each month to spend on personal items. .
Or will it be a shared responsibility ahem? What is the best way for me to show that I love you? What does each of you need to feel loved and cared for? They're not always deal-breakers but it's better to have all cards on the table before you step into married life. Finance What justifies going into debt? Have you ever noticed it feels easier to talk about sex with your friends rather than your partner? I like the questions you present, especially about parents and in-laws. Issues like these can become serious disputes later on, so it's critical to discuss them now. Does this person really know how to negotiate or is it my way or the highway? Because who wants to take chances with the rest of her life? Spousal friendship is based on the previous friendship, and that friendship has to be enriched every day , nurtured through conversation, attention and amiability. You might be tempted to think that beliefs and ideologies don't matter when you're in love, but that's just your hormones doing the thinking. Marriage is one of the most important things—and one of the most life-changing endeavors—any of us will undertake in life. The issue here generally is one of moderation; however, addiction to alcholol or drugs or food or sex or any other unrestrained behavior will, at the least, cause great stress and suffering in a marriage.
From family secrets, to personal choices, from health problems to mental health concerns, this is the time to share things big and small, paving the way for honesty and openness as the foundation of your relationship. Children: Above and beyond dreaming about baby names, there is so much more to the topic of family planning before marriage. Do you keep letters and memorabilia from past relationships? Vacations Do you know where your future husband wants to vacation? How much is their credit score? Do you anticipate raising our children 1 the same way you were raised 2 completely differently from the way you were raised 3 a mixture of both? In case you do decide to have kids in the future, do talk about how to do so? Getting married is a big deal, that is why it is important to follow this list of 20 things to discuss before marriage. Do you have any chronic pains your partner should know about? It can help pay for the bills when there is a gap in income. How do you plan to spend the holidays? The key is making sure you're both okay with how much time you spend apart, which is a normal and healthy part of any relationship.
Photo by on Where will you live? Getting married is a huge milestone in your life. What do you want to achieve in life? The way it has been thrown around like a rag-doll might even make you think that that's what we Indians do - just sing and dance all day until we find a temple where we can get married. Intimacy sex This is a very important topic that most people neglect. But it's unfair to simply assume that your partner will simply back down. Can you talk about it clearly so you can negotiate any future change? What does each of you dread or like to do as chores? There is no better time to share these intimate things than now, as you look ahead at marriage. Share them with us in the comments below! Anger is dangerous; violence is intolerable. You might love it if your partner takes you out a lot while another person might feel great if his or her partner helps in doing the chores at home.
Other Important Concerns: Do you have problems in your relationship you need to deal with before your wedding? Find someone whom everyone sees as trustworthy, including his family, friends and your close friends. How are debts or assets brought into the marriage and then viewed? Do you have to ask each other before spending over a certain amount? Some people feel more loved when you give them a compliment or constantly reassure them of your love. I stood by as a cheerleader for her to pay her card off, and she did — all by herself. Is it possible that you will end up supporting adult members of your family, and if so, what plans are in place for this? Do they prefer to be given space to think or are they the kind of person who needs to talk things through? It is hard to stay logical and rational when emotion sweeps in making you feel defensive and indignant. Nobody likes a surprise ex. Will you have separate or joint checking accounts or both? That way you can plan your union ahead in the most appropriate manner, so that all special needs are taken care of.
If you want a large wedding, be prepared to shell out a fair amount; smaller weddings, however, could easily be done for virtually free or very little money. It is advised to share your savings and bank account information well in advance and have a talk about finances. Partners usually make different amounts of money. But it's okay to disagree on: How many kids you think you want right now. Getting on the same page when it comes to money will save you so much strain as you soon become one. Will you have children and if so how many? People of different faiths often face a dilemma - whose faith does the child follow? These are things you need to discuss before you get married. This is not a healthy approach to a marriage, because every partner has a right to know what their joint financial situation is, regardless of whether you are getting married in or out of community of property.
What kind of participation do you expect in each other in some form of spiritual community? Do our differences complement each other? Decide on how you are going to budget, save and spend money as a couple. And how do you plan on supporting each other so you both achieve the goals you have? But feel the fear and talk about your sex life anyway! How they take their coffee in the morning. What kind of lifestyle do you want to cultivate? Talk about it in the early stages of your relationship to make sure there are no last minute surprises. Great post and thank you fro sharing. How many kids do you want? As Indians, we're traditionally attuned to the idea of joint families but it's perfectly okay for couples to want to move out and live on their own too. Your views on household duties. Your fiance has dealt with the personality and has a sense of what will work or not, even though seeming uncaring to you.